Toasty's Guide to Never Taking Movies Seriously

Now I'm a fan of cinema. It's pretty! It's shiny! There's enemies that people kill with fire! But I digress:
Name any film. Any one. There is at least one moment in the film where you have to ask, "why on earth would you do that?!" You know what I'm talking about. Where someone has to be the freakin' hero, or build some godawful, useless weapon, or attempting to hypnotize a no-no-parts snake.
You know what I'm talking about.

Prometheus

Aww, look how cute that unidentified alien is! Why?! Why would you approach a super nasty-looking alien snake that just rose out of some black goop! And then claim "she likes me!" before it spits acid at your helmet, opens up a gap and then forces itself down your throat. Really?
And on that same film note! The team enters a cavern that has been untouched for possibly millenia. Hey, our equipment says the air is breathable! Let's take off our helmets!
I... I don't... I don't have hope for humanity anymore...
Was there at least one guy there who took first year microbiology who could say, "Hey, guys, this might not be a great idea! We'd be introducing the bacteria from our breathing to a new environment, tainting the air that has been untouched for so long."?
Apparently not.


Scream

I just can't really take this movie seriously. Yes, it's been heralded as a brilliant horror film and everything, but it's ridiculous and predictable. First off!

Sidney is dating that creep?! Billy. Yes, Billy. Oh he's so nice and sweet and he keeps trying to get in your pants and murder your friends. I have seen few horror film characters as naive and ridiculously blind as Sidney.

On top of that, Billy parades around in a stupid costume that, if I remember correctly, reaches his feet. In real life, if you're being chased by a killer in a stupid costume, he's probably gonna trip. And don't just stand there when he does! Kick that asshat in the throat! He is trying to KILL YOU!

Nearly Every Damn Movie that includes a Time-Altering Device of Some Sort

Yeah, I went there. Even Harry Potter. Remember the time turners from the third film? Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE Harry Potter. Ask me anything about the series and I can answer it. The books are my favorite things on Earth.

But that aside, what I never understand is, when there's a time machine or something available, why not go back in time and KILL THE BAD GUY before he's even a bad guy? So you don't have to worry about it in the future and possibly save countless lives?

God damn, I just... Movies really make me want to scream sometimes. And not in the I-just-watched-a-good-horror-film kind of scream.